Paris Hilton To Operate New Atom Smasher

(Geneva, Switzerland) The International Atomic Agency (IAA) voted unanimously to let Paris Hilton conduct the first experiment on the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) once it opens later next month.

Ms. Hilton is the chief architect and engineer for the multi-billion dollar project that could unlock the mysteries of the universe.

Ms. Hilton will test whether the Standard Model or her more advanced theory is correct. "I envision an eleven-dimension universe including two dimensions of space-time. The Higgs boson is there, I'm sure!

"Recently I had lunch with Stephen (Stephen Hawking) to discuss a joint paper we are writing on the multiverse and dark energy."

The paper with Dr. Hawking is to be published in German. "I find it easier to think about advanced physics in the German language for some reason" laughed Ms. Hilton.

Ms. Hilton holds several Masters and Doctorate degrees from Cambridge in advanced cosmology, engineering and particle physics. She is a Visiting Fellow at Cambridge. She is also fluent in German, Farsi, Sanskrit, Japanese, French, Hebrew Cantonese and Air Head.